Who do you think has the most God-given authority and responsibility to teach and train children to love and treasure Jesus above all things? Many of you will think this is a simple question. Most Christians would agree that parents are, or at least should be, the primary disciplers of their children; however, in practice this is typically not the case. Somewhere along the way we have created a church culture that plays itself out in professionalism. We hire people who have more degrees than a thermometer to train and teach our children the ways of God. This is certainly not a criticism of children or youth ministries. This also does not mean that such things as church activities or Christian school education are forbidden. It does however mean that these ministries should be supplements to the loving, biblical instruction of Christian parents. Mark Driscoll, Christian pastor and author writes, “Because parents love their children the deepest, know them the best, and are with them the most, they are best suited to be a child’s primary pastor who evangelizes them, teaches them, loves them, prays for and with them, and reads Scripture to them.”[i]
Today there are unparalleled statistics showing the extent to which children crave attention and instruction from their parents:[ii]
- An extensive study of 272,400 teenagers conducted by USA today Weekend Magazine found that 70 percent of teens identified their parents as the most important influence in their lives. Twenty-one percent said that about their friends (peers), and only 8 percent named the media.
- In a national survey, 1,129 middle school students were asked what the greatest influence in their life was, and parents topped the list. The results were: parents – 37 percent, friends – 22 percent, church – 11 percent, youth pastor – 7 percent, and music – 5 percent. Adult volunteers, schoolteachers, culture, and the Internet each scored 2 percent or less. A national survey of 923 high school students yielded very similar results.
- MTV and the Associated Press released a study on influence of parents that said, “So you’re between the ages of 13 and 24. What makes you happy? A worried, weary parent might imagine the answer to sound something like this: Sex, drugs, and a little rock ‘n’ roll. Maybe some cash, or at least the car keys. Turns out the real answer is quite different. Spending time with family was the top answer to that open-ended question…Parents are seen as an overwhelmingly positive influence in the lives of most young people. Remarkably, nearly half of teens mention at least one of their parents as a hero.”
- An Anheuser-Busch Web site supports this logic, saying, “Studies have shown that parents are the primary influence on their children’s choices and decisions…and that is why we’re proud to offer help to parents.”
Keep in mind that this is secular research pointing to the importance and influence of parents. Although you need to look no farther than Scripture to see the responsibility that parents have. God has spoken this truth to parents for thousands of years in His Word. Steve Wright argues, “If God knew that we (parents) had no influence on our kids, the Bible would have no reason to tell us parents to spend time teaching our children.”[iii] Here is a sample of what the Bible says[iv]:
- “And that you may tell in the hearing of your son and of your grandson how I have dealt harshly with the Egyptians and what signs I have done among them, that you may know that I am the LORD.” (Exodus 10:2)
- “You shall teach them to your children, talking of them when you are sitting in your house, and when you are walking by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.” (Deuteronomy 11:19)
- “And if it is evil in your eyes to serve the LORD, choose this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your fathers served in the region beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites in whose land you dwell. But as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.” (Joshua 24:15)
- “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” (Proverbs 22:6)
- “Fathers do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” (Ephesians 6:4)
Parents cannot buy the lie any longer that their children do not listen to them. God has given parents an incredible blessing and responsibility to train up their children to love and treasure Jesus above all things.
While every Christian parent would likely agree with this research and most assuredly would resonate with the principles in Scripture, most parents would also admit they struggle to know how to make this happen practically. Some parents feel inadequate for this task for several reasons. Perhaps you are fearful that your child will ask something about God or the Bible that you will not know how to answer. Maybe you are afraid that your child will see inconsistencies in your life when juxtaposed to Scripture. Whatever your fears may be, there is overwhelming hope. Your hope is the gospel. While you will never be a perfect parent and you will make mistakes, Jesus, specifically his perfect life, sin-bearing death, and sin-conquering resurrection, offers you access to the Father, our perfect parent. As you raise your children remember that it is Christ in you that enables you to teach, love, and raise your children to treasure Christ above all things. So as a pastor, and as a soon-to-be-parent, I want to offer you some suggestions on how to practically teach the Bible to your children at home. I have learned most of these suggestions from wiser and more experienced pastors and fathers. I claim no originality. In fact, I have really never had an original thought in my life, but I digress. Onto some practical tips:
- Pray to God that the Holy Spirit would give you an ongoing commitment to pastor your own children in love.[v]
- Continually read good books that help shape a biblical view of parenting. Some suggestions are: Shepherding a Child’s Heart by Tedd Tripp, ApParent Privilege by Steve Wright, Raising Children God’s Way by D. Martin Lloyd-Jones, and Hints For Parents by Gardiner Spring.[vi]
- Develop relationships with other Christian families so that there is mutual learning about God, marriage, parenting, and the like in community.[vii]
- Develop biblical habits with your children, such as praying, reading Scripture, and attending church together.[viii]
- Eat dinner together as a family and include Bible teaching around the dinner table.
- Develop a consistent time of family worship that includes Bible reading, Bible application, prayer, and singing.
I want to close with a great quote from Steve Wright:
I am concerned that we forget the privilege we have. We overlook the unparalleled influence of parenting. God has given us a place to affect our children for eternity. A personal hero of mine, John Angell James, a pastor from the mid-1800s, said, “Recollect what a solemn thing it is to be a parent, and what a weighty responsibility attaches to those who have the immortal souls of their children committed to their care!” We cannot neglect the lasting things for the temporary. We cannot focus our efforts on passing things that the world says will offer soul satisfaction, or our children will find what Solomon found in Ecclesiastes as he discovered pursuing the things of the world is simply “striving after wind” (Ecclesiastes 1:17). We cannot help our children gain the whole world and yet forfeit their souls (Matthew 16:26). Your children are listening to you. You know the words of life they need to hear. Don’t miss out on this apparent privilege of being a parent.[ix]
I pray that God will give us a passion to train up a mighty army of children that know, love, serve, and treasure Jesus above all things.
[i] Mark Driscoll, “Pastoral Parenting”, Trial: 8 Witnesses from 1&2 Peter Study Guide: http://www.marshillchurch.org/media/misc/trial-8-witnesses_document01.pdf (accessed June 2009): 65.
[ii] The following statistics are taken from: Steve Wright, Apparent Privilege, (Wake Forest: Inquest Ministries), 18-20.
[iii] Ibid., 21.
[iv] All Scripture taken from: The Holy Bible: English Standard Version
[v] Driscoll, 67.
[vi] Ibid.
[vii] Ibid.
[viii] Ibid.
[ix] Wright, 26.
